508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
