You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize