A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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