So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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