Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
