I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
