Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found your dick twin last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
