I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
