so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
