just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
