yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
