dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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