Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
