tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
