They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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