R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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