Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
