You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
