You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
