I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
