@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
