You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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