The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dick has a subreddit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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