I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have fence marks all over my body
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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