We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
