i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
