would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
