I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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