my sisters under your porch take her home
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
