Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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