Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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