remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
