it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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