I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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