Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
