Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I only lived at night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
