Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
