so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
