so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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