While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
