I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
