Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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