Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
