No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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