Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
