i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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