you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
