dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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