I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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