shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
