had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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