cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
