Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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