When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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