is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
