Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I understand Curling. That high.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
