I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
