where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
