I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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