I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
