first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
