Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
