I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
