i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
