Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
