i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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