I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bring me that man meat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
