Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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