they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
