Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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