70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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