Cold hands, warm shart.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
