i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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