I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
