I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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