is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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