There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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